I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
