Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
