i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
