so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
