She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
