I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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