woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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