Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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