they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
