If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
