She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
