Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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