I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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