Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
