I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
one might say we're banned from that church
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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