turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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