Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sext me about skeletons
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