Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
