He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
