1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
