For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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