is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
