is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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