Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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