Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
