last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I want a musical about memes.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
