I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
