What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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