I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Do you remember whose house we're in?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
