I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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