I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
