Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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