And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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