yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
