honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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