Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
