i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
