u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
