I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
