She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
nutella sex= disaster
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
