haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
