I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
