You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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