I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We left the knife in your bed.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
