i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
