He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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