Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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