is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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