I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You're like the curious george of whores
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
