And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
