So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
