You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
