I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
