I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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