I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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