Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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