It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
