She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
